Today Our Sweet Girl would have Been 3 :(

and feeling sad but doing ok. I had a wonderful time with Soo Hee's sister this AM as I took her riding, unencumbered. It was so great to spend that 1:1 time. Ellie doesnt really understand and asked if Andrew would also die :( So we had a heart to heart and hope she does now...

I've had many teary moments but doing ok. I can only begin to imagine what folks who lose kids to SIDS at home go thru.. All the could have, should have, would have's.. I did this and she was in Korea. But I cant tell you how much I wish we could have seen her even after she'd passed. It would have helped. Sometimes it all seems like a bad dream. There's no cemetary, tombstone.. nothing. I dont think she and Ellie's birthmom even knows which truly breaks my heart - not that I want to share the pain, but because she may be having a day today much different than I.. Thinking about her little girl celebrating her 3rd bday.. That bothers me a lot. I need to write a big letter to her file but just havent had it in me.. Soon.. I will do it soon.....