Another "make me want to VOMIT" adoption column.....

Where do these folks get their material? The latest was a piece of work! How his editors let this go thru I'll never know. And just for the record long ago in a previous life (my 20's :)) I was an editor.. not for a newspaper but we used reverent quips, comments, twists in lots we did and I NEVER in a million years would have allowed this to go thru.... Anyway, here's link but will attach copy too...

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/opinion/columnists/seate/s_573477.html

Title of column is :Adopting Asian Kids Becoming latest Fad! (grhhhhhh)

And you know I'd be ticked whether our children were Asian, African American, purple polka dotted people eaters.. It's just sooooo lame and ignorant. I mean I dont expect every person on the planet to be PC but give me a break..

I have a confession .. one of my fav sitcoms which we no longer get cause we cancelled HBO shortly after the kids came home is : Sex and the City (maybe Sex in the City).. I "LOVE" it because it's funny, witty, and mostly deals with the in-depth friendships of 4 women living in New York City. I mention it cause it's mentioned in his article (as being 4 "screwed up women")...

AND during this difficult year, with Andrew's hard transition, where I was perhaps in front of my computer more than I should have been..... I downloaded some seasons I 'd missed, to watch here and there. I must say that I wanted to ALSO vomit as one of the characters was having a hard time conceiving and her gay friend says: " well if this doesnt work out (domestic adoption) I know some gay friends who just got a baby from Guatemala for like $100.. ".. I HATE, HATE stuff like this but at least in this instance, the main character's reaction to that statement said much.... made it a bit better. However, unfortunately in real life this crap happens.. happens all the time.

Anyway, this is his article and my ltr to him follows.. for your reading pleasure :) And sorry cant seem to fix the break in middle of article......

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Adopting Asian kids becoming latest fad

By Mike Seate
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Thursday, June 19, 2008

Though I may not be ready for sainthood, I am owed some accolades for having sat through not one, but two, chick flicks with my wife in as many weekends.

Few experiences are as emasculating and downright testosterone-sapping as viewing films made exclusively for and marketed toward the female gender.

Their plot lines are centered almost entirely around emoting and the dashed expectations of true love. I often find myself enduring their 120-plus minutes by thinking, "Boy, she's going to watch six World Superbike races and a whole season of 'Tank Overhaul' for this one!"

Although I spent most of my sentence, I mean time, during this all-estrogen double feature counting lint balls in my pockets and fishing for popcorn caught between my bicuspids and gums, something in both these otherwise interminable films did manage to pierce my thick fog of indifference.

In "Then She Found Me," Helen Hunt portrays a neurotic mess of a woman who screws up every relationship in her life and can't tell good men from rotten ones. Unable to conceive a child naturally, Hunt's character decides to reward herself with something guaranteed to make her character and the audience smile: a Chinese baby girl.

The film ends with long, lingering shots of the kid's smiling face, and half the women around us were fighting back tears. I was, too, but mine were because I'd never recover those lost two hours of my life.

One week later, I suffered through an afternoon screening of the glitzy handbag commercial cleverly disguised as a major motion picture known as "Sex and the City." In that one, Charlotte, one member of the quartet of ditzy, clothes-obsessed main characters, couldn't conceive a child naturally.

The solution? She adopts one of those adorable Chinese babies you've heard so much about -- forcing viewers to spend much of the next 90 minutes of film watching these four screwed-up women as they screw up some kid who would be better off in a rice paddy 7,000 miles from any of them.

Call me cynical, but since when did Asian children become "must have" fashion accessories for upper middle-class Americans?

Along with Calloway golf clubs and season tickets to football games, paying $30,000 to $40,000 to adopt an exotic baby is suddenly viewed as the most chic purchase this side of a pair of Manolo Blahnik pumps.

Never mind that thousands of babies of other races -- most of them black -- go without foster homes and adoptions here and elsewhere in this country every year. It doesn't cost tens of thousands of dollars to adopt a black, Latino or mixed-race child.

But for some reason, even Hollywood is marketing Asian babies as somehow superior and more desirable.

That's a shame. Because if people really wanted to adopt children because of a desire to become parents, they'd just adopt babies, not fashion statements.

MY RESPONSE:

Dear Mike,
Where the Heck do I start? Your column oozed of ignorance AND cynicism! Your
column, in my opinion, spoke volumes.... What I got out of it is that *your*
immediate take on international adoption,  is  frustration and resentment:
perhaps because it' seems easier (it's not); perhaps because as all the
incorrect myths out there have it, you can easily "buy a baby"...(BARF!!)...BUT
mostly, my take on your frustration was   that folks consider and *pursue*
international adoption vs. domestic adoption, and that seems to be bone of
contention with you.

I'm curious... before writing this column did you do any research or was this
just a knee-jerk response to 2 movies you watched? Because believe me, the media
(including you) always does an incredible job of "opening mouth and inserting
foot".. Children are NOT fashion accessories! Where do you get off even thinking
that analogy is ok? I suspect you're not a parent and especially not an adoptive
parent.

Yes the media and their various PR reps almost always screw up where
international AND domestic adoption is concerned. Inappropriate language re:
adoption,  is tried and true (ask ANY adoptive parent).. the "real child" vs.
the "adopted
child" (they're ALL our real children) is constant and makes most of us adoptive
parents want to hurl  on the writer and editors' shoes.
It often appears on the big screen, to the world,  that one  merely has to put
in an application (and on the big screen, any bozo with a SS# pretty much can do
this) and a few short months later that person has a beautiful baby.

WRONG!!  Anything but the truth....... However lies, ignorance, and/or even
denial, usually sells! Far more than the truth! Cause the truth.. yeah, its
sometimes not what we want to believe! AND it often hurts....

Do you realize that to adopt from China right now, it's like a 3-5
year wait? You have to have an income of so many dollars? You have to meet
health standards and have to be between certain ages. You can't be on certain
medications. The media is the media.. glamorizing something sells! You, of all
folks should know that .  I'm disappointed  you did  further disservice by
perpetuating the wrongful information out there with the horrible column you
wrote..

WHAT  you should have written is something that provided a well-thought, well
researched argument re: domestic adoption vs. international adoption in an
OBJECTIVE way! Adoption, regardless of whether it's international or domestic,
is about the child. It's about finding the best home for that child! Please
memorize that!

Adoptive parents, and children who are available for adoption
come from everywhere. It's important  the match is right. Our Domestic system in
my opinion is unfortunately filled with issues, mostly challenges. I do believe
it's getting better
BUT not fast enough. What my dh and I knew when we adopted was that we would not
survive having
a child placed with us whom we thought would be ours to adopt, only to have them
taken away. It happens and happens often.... a lot... While I'm thrilled that
families are being kept together and I truly believe that children should be
with their birth families if at all possible.....much of what i see is "a
little, a lot too late"..... We need to revamp our system!

Again,  I think the system has improved but not fast enough! "Our" (the US)
system was not something we could bank our hearts on and there are many more
like us out there. Until you've been there, please dont judge cause you
obviously just dont get it.. Just like all the journalists who put pen to paper
(fingers to keyboard) and pen away with puns and cutesy analogies.... all of
which does nothing but demoralize an incredible thing: bringing families
together!

So see there.. yet another column you could write!. DONT be putting down
international adoption.. Children everywhere need families.. Yes, many families
go the international route because the parental rights have been severed. NOT
because Asian children, Ethiopian, or Guatemalan children are the latest fashion
accessories and of course I've left out many other international programs. What
I think you're mostly unhappy about is the inadequacies of our own country and
our various programs which find families for children.

Please do your research in the future. It's not only gut-wrenching to see that
some journalists (which many ignorant folks just like the journalist, BELIEVE -
again... BARF!!)  can compare a child to a fashion accessory, but the very fact
that you obviously have NO knowledge re: international adoption, bothers me to
no end. I'm not quite sure how your editor could let this go thru.. pretty
pathetic and yes I've got some background in marketing, PR, writing etc.

And yes, to share about myself, I'm the proud parent of 3 beautiful NON fashion
accessories... They are incredible children and we are a family. You dont need
to know where they were born because that's not relevant. What IS relevant is
that our family came together thru adoption.. end of discussion! I hope you might consider doing another column elaborating
on some of your poor verbage/information and (what a concept) after maybe a tad
of research (dont journalists do this anymore??.... barf again) actually
apologizing......Perhaps noone reads your column but believe me,  it's made the
rounds on the adoptive family community boards... I wish you the best with your
future career.. I'd highly suggest that retraction/ along with MUCH research...
and the "slap me in the face 'how could I have been so idiotic, retraction'"..
to redeem yourself!.. Good luck!

I havent Disappeared!

But sometimes do think about closing out this blog as it's gotten so big my mom can't even read it (she doesnt have a computer... the TV connect for internet, of which name is escaping me now). And I think all of 2 or 3 others follow along (altho have to admit, I enjoy going back and looking thru it!)

Anyway, the school stuff is keeping me on my toes (and way too busy) and oh so hope I dont have to hire an attorney to straighten it out.. We met with the school here last week and it went well altho it was probably NOT the best representation of Ellie (they knew that coming in). Alex was at camp, and Andrew was asleep on my back. The house was quiet and the autism specialist who came sat and Ellie read to her... she's so awesome 1:1. I wasnt quite sure what to think when they left: happy that they saw how great she can be; how obviously adorable and sweet she is and how very bright she is. They saw all those things and that was wonderful. BUT they didnt get a sense of how she'd be in a classroom because obviously it wasnt one. Had Alex been home it might have been better as there would have been more distractions.

Bottom line we still know nothing. I've been wanting to push for our local (around the block, 2 room school house ) school, but have essentially been told "we'd need to drop the IEP".. which aint happening!

2nd option: in district Elementary school where they have "resource " personnel and better access to ST and OT. BUT it's an over one hour bus ride to the campus and there is no after school care (which I need as the whole reason we're giving up homeschooling is so I can work part time). PLUS her two best friends, and she doesnt have a ton of close friends, are going to the "around the corner" school. So in many ways, as unfair as it may be cause I havent really given it a chance, I just dont like this option for the moment.

3rd option: busing her out of district. They'd have to pay for transportation and she'd attend an elementary school 20 minutes away - YES.. it's much closer than our other in district school. They'd have great services, but I want her mainstreamed. I DONT want her riding a special ed bus.... and dont really want to have to drive her to school/pick up everyday! Esp not with gas prices right now... Hell I"d prob have to work an extra day just to pay for gas!

I'm fighting to keep her at our local around the block school with services. God Forbid it actually entails thinking outside the box and that's hard for many school districts. We'll see... If you could think good thoughts I'd appreciate it. Hopefully this will soon be OVER!!

I'm also meeting with my former and very wonderful boss at the hospital to see what we can work out for the Fall. I sure hope something. It sounds like there's a need for someone to help cover in case management and the daytime nursing supervisor position. This is why I've got to get the school stuff ironed out.. UGH.. calgon take me away!

And sorry, I dont really have any new photos either...so will leave you with one of my last layouts (havent been scrapping either... I"m pathetic!! :)) awhile back....

Pizza, Puppy and being 1!
Ok so I'll never be known for my blog post titles.. but since I think all of 3 people follow this blog, not too worried (thanks to all of you who do :))! Sooo last night we made gluten, casein free pizza which was a first for us.. We used the Pamelas brand bread mix to make the dough/crust for pizza.. then added some tomato paste, freshly made spaghetti sauce (with some sausage) and then (ok get this.. yet it was sooo good): garlic, peppers, onions, (sauteed before hand), bacon, some salami, pineapple, basil leaves and olives..then some seasonings. Yeah, lots of stuff but when you can't douse your pizza with cheese, wanted to make up for that.. AND it was one tasty pizza. Next I want to do one with roasted eggplant.. So the next door neighbors have a little girl and she's a sweetie. The kids and she hang out (when we cant have her over/vice-versa) and talk over the fence. It's so cute. So yesterday, the little girl's family was evidently watching this lab/Golden puppy.. ohhhhh so cute.. so got some pics of Alex with the puppy.. Finally, Andrew - sweet baby boy, BUT also one FRUSTRATED sweet baby! HOW he wants to do everything that big brother and sister are doing. I guess this is the downside of having children this far apart (upside is that older children can fetch an extra set of wipes when you run out in the middle of a poopy blowout! :) :)) So Alex loves to cook (and has been having fun flipping pancakes of late)and now that Andrew can walk (has been for awhile) he pushes the chairs in kitchen around so he can climb up and look at what's on the counter. Usually no big deal, but cracked up when I saw him playing with the spatula and his piece of cheese. He put it on his spatula and kept flipping it and moving it around, then going down to his chair to get something else (pretend) to put in the frying pan (which of course was off!) He LOVES, LOVES being outside but man oh man, falls a lot.. Still kind of tripping over his feet and our uneven ground. But the other day he was going out the garage door (to our exposed aggregate) walkway and something happened, he lost his grip and ended up doing a header into the concrete... I was right behind him and he's done the doorway independently hundreds of times altho I'm always closeby but just couldnt catch him this time - felt horrible! UGH.. those moments we moms just hate! I had visions of the ER as it was that hard of a fall.. but when I brought him in and iced it... it was clearly apparent that he was WAY more ticked at me for taking him away from the great outdoors (well the cold ice didnt help) vs. having a small egg on his forehead. Fortunately with ice, it went down immediately and by the next day there was hardly a bump.. Did all those good neuro check things you're supposed to and decided he didnt need more traumatizing with a trip to the ER..

He would squat down and pretend to pick something up and then flip it into the frying pan.. We dont watch a lot of TV but do enjoy the food channel.. hmmm.... wonder if I've got to give him more Elmo if we do TV?? :)

Kids' pics :)

Ellie riding yesterday.. .so wishing for a better zoom lens!

Miscellaneous Ramblings!

Well will try to be less of a downer in this post :)... sorry of late.. this school stuff really gets to me and Soo Hee's bday was just the end of me of late!. I feel my dd is a hot potato being quickly passed from one school district to another. Our home district has suggested it would be helpful to meet us in our home in the next next few weeks so they can meet Ellie and determine (if they can see) what her best placement would be.
I'm happy they are willing to come out, but not so sure eval'ing her in our home is the best place/best option. BECAUSE her attentional issues decline with other kids.. we'll see.. not sure how we'll handle..

But have taken some sweet pics of late and will post below...Andrew's hair is amazing.. super silky fine and beautiful but grows so fast. It always seems to be in his eyes... ! I just cut it several weeks ago..Yes, he's my gorgeous hippy boy! :)

So here are the pics cause I've got to go cook.. Been cooking up a storm of late.. Alex has this love-fest with cooking so our evening meals are so much more than they used to be, which is good. Simultaneously our garden has taken off and we're trying to cook/use that!

BUT if you're an individual who likes Korean food and/or wants to learn you have to check out this great website:

http://blog.maangchi.com/

She actually has "You-tube " videos of many dishes she makes.. they're awesome

Today I spent literally almost the entire day doing Mandu! Granted it's a very different thing here as I have to do a special gluten/casein free dough/wrapper which is a pain, BUT it still took SOOO much time.. Anyway her recipe is awesome. I can't wait to try! Going to attempt to make my wraps and freeze so they're ready when I need!

here are pics...:

Once wrapped in the special gluten/casein free wrap...

our garden... looking down...

Have you ever seen an artichoke plant this big?

Broccoli

And Another post: Soo Hee would have been 2 Tomorrow :(

And I'm thinking of her.... Ohhhh, it's so hard.. I think sometimes folks find it weird that I still mourn her loss as Andrew is here and is so wonderful (a handful but wonderful :)).. and that's true, and ok.. I dont get how folks can see things that way, but it's ok.. Soo Hee was Soo Hee and Andrew (Dong Hyeon) is who he is. Soo Hee unfortunately didnt get to see much of this life/world and even tho Andrew has been such an incredible Blessing and always will be ( we love him sooo much and I know he was meant to be our child).. we will always love our special girl. It's hard to do this post as I'm not real eloquent but my attempt here is to say that you can't compare children and no child can ever, ever, ever replace another..


But, as Alex says, we have 4 children (don't tell dh, he might fall over - LOL!!), BUT we will never, ever forget her, so please understand when I post about Soo Hee's milestones. I do often believe we were meant to be her parents to mourn her loss. We still dont think her birthmom has any knowledge of what's happened and that hurts.. It hurts A LOT.. but it is what it is... We love, LOVE our Rose of Sharon, Korea's Nat'l Flower which many on one of our lists pitched in for and it' s truly our memorial for her. We relish every blossom knowing that her life, even short-lived meant so much and was so beautiful, and knowing one day we will see her beautiful face! Happy 2nd bday Sweet Princess! We love you!

Sorry for my Lapse, CONSUMED w/ special ed placement:

So the saga continues. I do feel fortunate in that I believe the person with our district who is responsible for making the decision, is very much wanting to do what's best for Ellie. And for anyone who knows me, you'd know that I've very rarely felt that way. Yes "cynicism" is my middle name!...Bottom line, we still know nothing. He took the time to phone the out of district school we thought she'd attend (the reason we've been thrown into this sudden search for a school, as they suddenly were full after telling me they could take her)... I appreciated that he called. BUT wasnt thrilled with the response. She was supposedely #1 on the wait list to get into 1st grade and now she's down to #3.. hmmmm what happened? Again, I just get incensed, like my SN child is getting shoved down the list to make sure they never have to take her. AND currently since we returned to our own district saying "educate our child".. and they responded with "we may not have the services due to our small size".. they are now required to pay for her services elsewhere, as well as transportation. Everyone knows what gas prices are, so just imagine a small special ed bus coming out 40 min from the bus terminal for just one student, daily.. how efficient is that? NOT! Sooo I've been really encouraging folks to think "outside the box"... As a nurse case manager, we always had to think "outside the box".. It's not always easy but you do what you have to , to serve your client's needs.. So I often fought with insurance companies to get one bene traded for another and often won. It was always a win:win situation. I now have been talking about having Ellie attend our small local school but with an aide (at least intially) since she needs redirection and set up, BUT truthfully, she loves school and other kids, and I suspect an aide will be short lived.

This is what I HATE.. I do suspect and may be wrong given some of the more difficult academic stuff happening in future grades, that Ellie will thrive being in an NT (neuro-typical environment).. She' s so bright - beyond grade level and doesnt belong in an SCD (special day class).. and the law states that children will be educated in the "least restrictive environment".. and until those options have been exhausted, stuff like SCD cant be implemented..

I will keep you posted. This is just consuming so much time, of course at the worst time for educators (last week of school) so we'll see. I just dont want to lose our daycare spot for the baby, and of course my potential job... So keep us in your thoughts.. I think it will all work out.. I sure hope so anyway! :)